oh wait what oh ok

Putting cornrows in your Bush....

2008-09-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

I don't want to sound like a really gay terrorist or anything but I have to say that President Bush is THE WORST PRESIDENT in American History. Hey, hey, just wait a minute before you judge me! Hear me out, okay? Listen, I know what you guys are thinking "Whats up Adolf Hitler? You and Dr. Mengele want get dinner tomorrow night with Adolf Castro and Dickey Lipforest? What are you guys in the mood for? Well, I had Indian food last night but Thai sounds good..." NO NO NO! His senseless taxing of employment income, his global economic warming policies, separation of church and state, his unrelenting support for advocating nuclear powered wind farms, standardized testing of autistic children, and blatant disregard for the Bills of Government Laws PROVE that he has lied about topics, issues and ballots using knowlege of the war in Iraq (before 9/11 even happened!) and has vetoed social and national securities with his homeland regimes and it is up to us to impeach him before he is out of office!

Obviously I have thought long and hard about this and my countless hours of research have led me to an important conclusion.....alright, here goes....we make bumper stickers! I have noticed that a really powerful way to convince people who don't agree with you to take your opinion seriously is to put bumper stickers on your car! It's a great way to express yourself and you look cool doing it. I have come up with a few bumper sticker ideas that may help get this evil fascist genius out of office....

"What type of a tree is a Bush?"

"Impeaches taste good with Bush cream"

"Get the STD out of our Bush!"

"Bush is a not a good president"
"Veto the laws!"

"Who is going to be the next president?"
"My Bush is my pubic hair"

"Bushy eyebrows look good on some people but not on others"

"Don't blame me, I'm not even registered to vote!"

If anyone else comes up with other ideas for the revolution please leave a comment on my facebook page, myspace page or check out the Anti-Bush website that I am working on- Bushtotallysucksmaddicksandshit.org We are a non-profit anti-Bush organization, totally against Nazis, don't believe in homeless people, we think that genocide is super gay, homicide is sometimes cool but illegal, and hate child labor unless the children show a genuine interest in fashion. It's not too late to free your mind but the clock is ticking for an impeachment.

A new poem from Latin American poet Estaban Cuchillo!

2008-09-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Excerpt from his new book of poems "Dormir Entonces Pero No Esperanza"

"La ventana en la castilla esta abierto para mi amigo en la familia con lobos en la ciudad. Uno fuego cintas ve pelicula de horror. Tu comes tacos y cebollos banco se cuanto cuesto entran. Por fin necesito devolver a sudamericano en los zapatos unidos. Siempre madre con usted naranja piel, verdad? Nube pueblos contestan prohibitan suenos somos sonreer en dormido. Viento largo hombre oso cruzar la calle nosotros paz. Ninos en frente salir en las supermarcados estamos buscando por pinto malo. Luego por supuesto telephono regula ella palabras y nosotros preguntas."

Normal people scare me

2008-09-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

I hate these annoying hipsters that hang out in front of Hot Topic in the mall. One of the guys works at Spencer's Gifts and was trying to make me feel stupid because I had a copy of Fight Club in my backpack. He was like "I used to like Palahniuk." What a snob! I have read every Chuck Palahniuk book and I don't even like him that much any more I was just getting that book for my girlfriend because I couldn't believe that she hadn't read it. I was gonna give her the new Palahniuk but I think it might be too gross for her. It's so twisted! It's about a guy who is addicted to pretending he is elderly and he stays at nursing homes and he like eats all the old people's food and watches them go to the bathroom and stuff. Its really weird. Anyways, I hate that guy at the mall. You know which guy I'm talking about- he is sorta short, gold teeth, wears lots of white face paint and Ugg boots, probably jewish. Whatever. I dont care what that guy thinks.

I feel like I would consider Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus more magical realism than science fiction

2008-08-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

Did I leave my music cd in your van when we went to the beach?

Urban Self-Esteem Building Workshop

2008-08-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

Yo Mammas so generous that she bought us delicious snacks for our Source Awards party.

Yo Mammas so helpful that she guided you through your most difficult times.

Yo Mammas so organized and efficient that she manages to successfully balance raising a family and her career.

Yo Mammas so kind hearted that she knows how to see the best qualities in everyone.

Yo Mammas so spiritually advanced that she can clearly interpret concepts of Eastern Religions into familiar terms that Western culture can understand.

It must be happy hour because you are taking cheap shots, buddy!

2008-08-20T21:07:00.001-07:00

Computers

Have you ever had a day that you wished would never end?

2008-08-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

I always thought of myself as sorta shy in social situations but everyone else thinks of me as really outgoing and extroverted.

Ironic Sandals

2008-08-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

Oh I can't wait for you to see this sketch that we are going to put up on youtube! I made it with my comedy troop Turtle Trouser Pantalones. It's so funny and Brian is in it and he is this guy who works as a guy who drills holes into bowling balls and he is working the nightshift at the bowling ball factory and he gets an erection and he is trying to decide if he should try to have sex with a bowling ball and I appear as Jesus and I warn him not to do it and Peter plays the Devil who is like sorta like a black guy who thinks he should do it but he is like a bowling ball pimp and and shows him a bowling ball wearing high heels and too much make up and its like all skanky and then there are some other bowling ball hookers in the factory but they are more like sad prostitutes who are kinda like either meth addicts or teenage runaway types or maybe got raped by their dad or something but anyway its awesome and it ends with Brian getting his dick stuck in a bowling ball and he has to go to the hospital and once he gets there sitting next to him in the emergency room is a guy who has his dick stuck in a vending machine! It was so hard to film because we were all laughing so hard and the camera kept shaking.

Cultivating a good work environment

2008-08-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

Oh wow! Thats great because I have always wanted to learn how to play the trumpet or the clarinet!

You hurtbag my feelings

2008-08-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, hey, did any of you see what the score to the baseball game was before you left to come here?

Does anyone have an extra Nokia 453r cell phone charger?

2008-08-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

When I was a little kid I read "Frimple's Lost Treasure" and thought it to be the most beautiful book there ever was. I fell in love with Gemorick, the handsome Wikkaif delivery man who drove along the twisted roads of Morh in search of Irbigon, the 2 legged Erlpmeif of Frachaseol only to find that he was the true son of King Tyrimagadon. Gemorick's goofing corhorts Spix and Clamtrou made me laugh myself to sleep. My parents told me that when I was 8 years old I would only answer to Ejalphia, the name of the lovely princess that Gemorick flies away with on the smooth back of a Qendalian Eunie. I can still feel that Eunie between my legs and Gemoricks warm, dewey breath on the nape of my neck.

Even now, when doing homework gets really boring, I imagine that I am Princess Ejalphia and I am going to the Vktitian Skwob with my friends Racelilim and Uluvesta in a dress stitched together with Wumwum hairs and seetlings. Gemorick moves through the crowd outside Sagingham Castle, his eyes meet mine, he takes me by the hand and we... oh, nevermind

I said I would wait forever, but it is just so far away

2008-07-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

This is going to sound weird but did you ever notice that mustaches smell different than eyebrows even though they look really similar?

Lets play a game of would you rather!

2008-07-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

Oooh I have a good one! Ok, would you rather have each fingernail ripped out one at a time with a pair of pliers, be skinned alive and lit on fire while your children laugh OR have your limbs fed into a woodchipper and then be savagely raped and bludgeoned to death by someone you really trust?

I didn't have time to rock and roll all night (and study everyday)

2008-07-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

I put Med School on the backburner for a while but now that Thundercrutch Wheelchair is breaking up I am giving myself until next January to take the MCATs. I just don't know that I am ready to spend the next 7 years in school and residency, you know?

And what about Jeanette and I? Will break up we? I mean, I don't think a long distance relationship is going to work out, especially if I get into Eppings and my Dad is really hung up on his son being a "Eppings Rowboart" just like he was, but I don't know if it will be right for me.

Watch out for snakes

2008-07-19T14:30:00.001-07:00

We met our dad in a Starbucks.

Planning for the future

2008-07-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my brother made sock puppets and put on a play for me. The play was about a white middle-class woman who gets a job teaching at an inner-city school. Although at first the students were unresponsive she eventually got them to open up to education and literature. My favorite part was when the latino puppet got pregnant. I laughed so hard that I puked my pants. My parents punished me by hiding my asthma inhaler.

Planting the seeds

2008-07-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

I had a dream that my cat called me on my cell phone and I knew it was my cat but he had the voice of my ex-husband and we were having a really normal conversation until all of sudden we were at Jimmy's pool with all my co-workers and I realized I had a huge penis and I started frantically trying to find a towel to cover it up but I couldn't find one anywhere.

Peer evaluations

2008-07-10T14:44:00.001-07:00

My aunt and uncle bought me a shirt for christmas and it was too big. I think it was an XL and I usually wear a large. I brought it back to Target (thank god they gave me the gift reciept!) to get another shirt but I saw a picture frame that was about the same price as the shirt so I got the frame instead. The frame is on my desk at work.

I left the picture that came in the frame in it for now but I am trying to think of which photo will look good in it. I was thinking that I could put the picture of Lissa and Elbrer from last winter (with the snowman on that ropeswing) or the picture of all of us smiling. I'll probably decide later this week and I'll let you know.

Recipe: Vegan Ribs with Tofutti Marinade

2008-07-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

I am reminded of this......

Someone told me this joke the other day: What is the gayest part about buying a pair of rollerblades? Good Parenting!

Rebel Without a Clause

2008-07-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

I hit a homeless woman with my car 3 years ago and I never told anyone.

I'd like one happiness with a side of smile!

2008-07-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

It was really difficult for me to tell my wife that I had lost my job.

Living in the moment

2008-07-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

I still feel hungry because I only had one piece of cream cheese and a small bag of fortune cookies for lunch. Is it friday yet?!

Respecting all religons

2008-06-28T09:36:00.001-07:00

The Fourth Of July is a Hallmark Holiday that was made up by the executives at Hallmark to try and get you to waste your money on cards and gifts. Every year people try and make me feel like a warm weather scrooge just because I am not falling for Mr. Hallmark's scam. People are so stupid!

Maybe Joe American wants to waste his money on antique pottery or a traditional Fourth of July loaf, but I wont be fooled. Seriously, just go and read "Existential Holidays" by Ralph Comber. More Americans would be like me if they weren't glued to their reality TV shows!

Lovers

2008-06-27T08:31:00.000-07:00

I usually dont spend too much money on myself but good jeans are really like "you get what you pay" for type things.

To me, its worth it have pants that fit well than to save money.

Soup Kitchen

2008-06-23T17:11:00.000-07:00

I just sorta feel like doing something kinda low-key tonite.

Moving into a bigger apartment...

2008-06-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

I have been having these really intense night terrors where I am in a room that is slowly building an electrical charge and I can feel it increasing little by little until I am being electrocuted. My body will convulse in pain and my skin will burn until I wake up sweating and frightened. Then slowly, as I am falling back asleep, I slip back into this highly electrically charged room where I continue to be shocked until it wakes me again. It's terrible!

Trevor, Mitchell and Me.

2008-06-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

Friday night was a major turning point in our friendship...It's like, we were all sort of sick of those nights where you just hang out with the same people at the same big parties with a big group and its hard to feel like you really connect with other people... I dont know how the other guys feel right now, but I have never felt closer to Trevor and Mitchell. We were supposed to go to a big party at Kevin's and Trevor really wanted to meet up with this girl, Katie, who was best friends with Nicole's brother's girlfriend but he was starting to get nervous about it just because Elissa told Katie that Trevor likes her and it made him feel weird about talking to her in a party situation with lots of people around. So instead we just ended up staying in. We hung out in Mitchell's parents basement, just Trevor, Mitchell and me. We talked for like 7 hours straight and played game cube until 6 am. It was really good to have a REAL conversation with these guys....It's like, I know I have a lot of aquaintences but I consider these guys my true friends and I know that I can trust them.

Father son fishing trip

2008-06-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

The army recruiters came to my school last week during lunch. I don't think I'm going to sign up.

Mr. Fitzdonald, my dads best friend, told me a racist joke and it made me feel really weird.

Cowboy Girlboy

2008-06-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about buying a motorcycle.

New poems

2008-06-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

I thought my appointment was at 2:30 but I showed up and the office was closed so I thought that I had the wrong time and as I was getting into my car I realized I had a voicemail so I listened to it and the message was like "Oh, hey, I am not going to make it today but give me a call to reschedule." My phone didn't even ring or anything. I don't get very good cell phone reception in my office. I am going to have to see if we can meet tomorrow or the next day, which is fine...thats actually better because I had some stuff I needed to do this afternoon.

The way the sky looked today made me want to call you

2008-05-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking since our big argument...

More new music and more...

2008-05-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

I wrote a new instrumental piece called "Glass Table" The name "Glass Table" in this instance is referring to the Elsworth Toolington play "Dost Yonder Nittle Tip" in which the character Hermione is gathering Prinpy Lillies in the Goldryn Forest and a nymph approaches her and says "Whilest chilling gales do fly? Oh, doth hast Nittle's fair!" Which is where the title for the song came from. I just know you like it!

Important Decisions

2008-05-08T11:17:00.001-07:00

Hmmm.... Should I go home and change before the party? Oh darn, I just remembered I don't have a car here....maybe Tim will drive me....but he has been drinking. I'll just wear this.

Important Information

2008-05-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

Important Information:

Go Green!

Thanks.

Oh no, its the cops!

2008-05-06T10:28:00.000-07:00

As Officer Mustachefield approaches the scene he hears a horrible clamor resonating from inside the cave. Pfffffft "Looks like we got ourselves 17-09er. There is a dangerous gang of homosexuals down at the old Bronson caves. They seem to be singing a homoerotic chant and preparing for a Sunday orgy. Do you copy?"

As the young group of folk singers harmonize and frolic merrily inside the caves, Officer Mustachefield gets out his gun, calls for back-up and moves in.

Flower Stem exclaims gailey to Beauty Within "Oh I do say, what a gay time we are having here singing together and romping about." Beauty Within replies "Oh, Flower Stem, just about nothing could ruin it. Its a dream!"

Just then Officer Mustachefield tells them they have to pour out their beers and leave or get cited for alcohol. The young group of homosexuals leave the cave and continue their orgy elsewhere...

Later that night Officer Mustachefield went home to the praise of his wife and expressed proudly "Make me dinner you lazy swine."

Lets begin here...

2008-05-04T12:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome to owwoo (oh wait what oh ok). This blog will be your guide to future smiles and FUN!

The following is a quick & worthwhile guide to this blog.

Section 1:

Hmmm...ok. Ah, ha ha. Mmmm.

Section 2:

Here is a very specific list of things that I plan on including in this blog.

1. Lists of numbers.

2. Feelings.

3. Deepest darkest secrets and more.

4. Simple thoughts.

5. Romantic Poems.

6. Rearranged sentences from famous books with all of the words in alphabetical order.

7. Thoughts on the aging process.

8. Important facts/ thoughts.

9. Other things including pie charts.

10. Homemade taped recordings.

11. Descriptions of back pain.

12. Awesomes.

13. Lists of better lists.

Section 3:

If I can find a chick to do it I am going to try and make my own porn movie.

Sections 4 & 5:

I will also be posting photographic hearable visual sensations.

Section 6:

Rejected again.

Thanks for reading my first post! : )

Section 7:

bye.